7. Left Alone

Time breeds thoughts.

Since our return from the lake Joseph has avoided being in my company. There is a shyness to him that is in stark contrast to the confidence that I have seen when he addressed the Doctors and when he is speaking to clients over the telephone. He has revealed too much of himself and now he is retreating.

I fear that he is afraid we will grow too close...

Left alone I am once again in the position to contemplate how different my life has become. My last clear memory is of London, working in the Coffee Shop while I finish my degree in Literature. I remember being in a relationship with Ian and wondering how to end it, living with two friends who I don't even know if I still have contact with.

I remember being unsure of my next step in life but being perfectly poised for an adventure. Had Samuel been that adventure? From photos around the house I have been able to find a visual aid of this man I loved but, like everything else since I woke, his face means nothing to me. No jolt of attraction, no urge to know him better.

That jolt, that fizz of anticipation... I feel for my husband. And at the moment I think that feeling anything for Joseph is a dangerous game.

But my life is a game, I am merely the player who has not been given a script for the part she is trying to play.

And I am playing it all wrong.