A marriage of convenience.
I married a man to secure a home and a lifestyle that I had become accustomed to. I don't know myself all at! How have I changed so much in such a short space of time. Our conversation last night has left me reeling in confusion.
"You are in love with my brother." He spoke in a matter of fact manner but I could tell from the steel of his eyes that this was not a topic that he wished to discuss. But I don't know your brother!
"Yet I married you?"
"Indeed." His gaze made me feel suddenly hot all over, the flush reaching my cheeks. Something passed between us leaving him startled enough to leave the table and the room claiming he had work to do.
Today curiousity has surged me forward to seek information from our housekeeper who has been very eager to help me fill in the gaps. Joseph had been telling the truth. I had moved to Inverness, uprooted my life, to be with his brother. A man who had left me the moment something better had come along. Without a place to live, knowing I could never love or trust another man again, I had been taken in by Joseph.
The marriage had been for outside appearences. Joseph, having no inclination or time for romance, had needed a wife to give his legal firm the impression that he was settling down. I had needed the ruse of moving on. While I feel slightly appalled by the whole calculating mess, what I don't understand is how I managed to find a man that I considered 'more' than the one who slept down the hall.
Even through the time that I can recall us spending together, the brief hours of the last few days, I already knew that I could be easily drawn to him.
I am so confused. So bewildered. How can I continue with this life when already my old self is making changes to it that might alter it forever?
Would it have been Joseph that I would have fallen for if I had met him first? Would he have felt differently if I had not been the silly afterthought of one of his brother's dalliances?
Would he have loved me?
No comments:
Post a Comment